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September 26, 2012
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We live in a world where people
Have become robotic; it's fatal.
And to realize our glitches
Are itches we can not scratch out
From our powered on minds.

We're using it, rusing you, choosing
To rely on a thinking machine
Just to perfect this resolution.
We'll ruin evolution.

Wires connect to my brain,
I can't live without its content.
I'd like to know what it feels like
To be human again.

We breathe in a world where oxygen
Expires our soul and replaces it
With a cold brain and an empty body.
Our defects make us the infection,
That's brought in this disease.

We're losing it, abusing this, fusing
A war inside of ourselves.
To be drugged on this technologic
Error that can't reverse our fix.

Wires connect to my brain,
And causes my flesh to recoil.
I'd like to know what it feels like
To be human again.

(Time lost itself to slow down for
The loading screen programmed in my head.
I can tell by the pixels I have fixed
All these effects that have affected me.
For I have synced my heart to the beat
Of this systematic, not dramatic fashion.)

Wires connect to my brain,
And cut off my nerved sight.   
I'd like to know what it feels like,
To be human again.

Spare yourself from this digital life,
This digital device created to devise
Our survival price on lives.

Wires connect to my brain,
I can't live without its comfort
I'd like to know what it feels like
To be human again.
:iconslowslicksnails:
New song, haven't written a good one in a long time. I hope this is good.

If you could so kindly give me constructive critism -
1. DA's rating thing - impact, vision, technique, impact and why..
2. Weak points?/anything needs fixed?
3. Best points?/your favorite part.
4. Should I change the title?
5. Anything else you want to say..
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:iconcrashmypartyhard:
~crashmypartyhard Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
oh hai
check out my gallery and look for "assignments, etc." folder or whatever. i should have some of the guy with a television for a head in there. decided to write about him for my short story assignment.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
~intricately-ordinary Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love your wording. I seriously think that most of your songs could do better as poems, simply because all that fantastic rhythm of inner-line rhyming and intricate wordplay might be lost in the music.
Fantastic :heart:
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:iconslowslicksnails:
=slowslicksnails Sep 30, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much :D

I make my lyrics poetic on purpose actually for reasons. But yeah, you're right, they'd be fine as poems alone. Then again, lyrics are poems meant to be sung. XP
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:iconcrashmypartyhard:
~crashmypartyhard Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This makes me think of this one dream i had where i was having adventures with a guy who had a television for a head. I'm slowly making a story in my mind about it, and i think i might make it a webcomic or just write it.
Reply
:iconslowslicksnails:
=slowslicksnails Sep 27, 2012  Student Writer
Huh, that's a very interesting dream and would be a interesting story! Link it to me if you post it please! Thank you for the fave on this :)
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:iconcrashmypartyhard:
~crashmypartyhard Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i'll try to actually write it down.
oh, and keep looking on my gallery from time to time for "435 Writing Promts: Dandelion Seed". I'm gonna hint some of it in there--it just turned into that, i'm not quite sure why. I'll try to finish it as soon as i can! (:
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:iconslowslicksnails:
=slowslicksnails Sep 27, 2012  Student Writer
Oh, alright, cool thanks! I'll look forward to it :D
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:iconcrashmypartyhard:
~crashmypartyhard Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
kk
(:
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:iconslowslicksnails:
=slowslicksnails Sep 27, 2012  Student Writer
:la:
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:iconcrashmypartyhard:
~crashmypartyhard Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol
You should check out some of my other stuff, if you want :P
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